


Look Away

by helike



Series: Snape Appreciation Month 2017 [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Death Eaters, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Severus Snape-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helike/pseuds/helike
Summary: When Severus Snape joins Death Eaters, it's easy for him to look away and see nothing at first. It proves much harder later on.





	Look Away

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: the first war with Voldemort. The extended version of the tumblr post.

The war starts quietly and it is hard to miss the signs at first.

His “initiation” is… quite enticing in the beginning. There is some subtle seduction involved, some encouraging words here, some deeper hints there.

“Just think how much you can gain from this,” Lucius tells him one evening. “Prestige… perhaps fame. Maybe finally they will publish that book of yours.”

Severus flinches and looks away. The book is a sore point to this day. He’s more than eager to listen.

It appears that Lucius _is_ right in a way. There is some interest in Severus’ Potions skills, his spells, even his future. Somebody mentions the book again. He doesn’t know how they know about it, but it doesn’t matter. He sees his chance and he takes it – a very Slytherin thing to do, isn’t it?

He comes to Death Eaters, full of hope and perhaps a little bit of pride, because _somebody_ finally has noticed him. Somebody has seen his talent. Finally he could be someone despite of being just a half-blood, which isn’t that much of a good thing, as he has been taught over the years. Finally he’s making a name for himself.

“That’s exactly what I talked about,” Lucius says and his eyes gleam, “now everything is in your range. All you have to do is to reach your hand out… and just take it.” There is a smile on his face, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

Severus shudders, seeing it. He’s not quite convinced about all of it, but in a way he does agree with Lucius. Things have improved for him. Just a bit.

He goes deeper and deeper into it, still blind to what exactly happens around him. There are gossips, yes, but he doesn’t listen to them. It’s easy to fool himself into thinking that there is no truth in them.

It’s even easier to pretend that he sees nothing.

 

* * *

 

Finally comes the day when he attracts the Dark Lord’s attention.

“Ah, Severus… My little potioneer… there is some task I have for you… something important.” The Dark Lord smiles.

This smile is a scary thing, something that reminds Severus about a predator looking at their prey. It sends shivers, the scary kind, down his spine, but he steels himself, trying not to show how it affects him, and listens to the Dark Lord’s plans.

He has mixed thoughts about them. He is assigned to spy on Dumbledore, which is supposed to be a sign of the trust held in him. However, to him it looks as if he’s pushed to the sidelines, and he doesn’t like it. Not even one bit.

He knows well enough that his standing isn’t good. They keep talking about him behind his back. They are distrustful; they find him unworthy.

“A half-blood!” They sneer.

“A disgrace!” They spit.

“He’s not one of _us_.” They claim.

Bellatrix says nothing, but she looks at him in a way that one could look at some trash, something worthless and useless that should be disposed of, and her lips twist in disgust.

He grits his teeth and swallows the insults. He’s heard worse. He vows to make them all regret these words one day. Oh, he will never forget.

“I’ll show you all,” he promises, clenching his fists.

Severus is less sure of the success of his revenge plan when he doesn’t get the job that the Dark Lord wants him to have. He’s afraid to come back and announce the news, however, there is the matter of the prophecy that he has overheard. Perhaps this will… humour the Dark Lord just a bit? He’s not sure about it, but he delivers it anyway, thinking very little of the consequences, because who on earth believes this babbling anyway? Surely not him.

To his surprise, the Dark Lord appears rather thoughtful as he hears the prophecy and doesn’t punish him.

“One good thing of this senseless rubbish,” Severus thinks and lets out a sigh of relief.

Things improve a bit after that. Or so he tries to tell himself.

 

* * *

 

It’s harder to pretend not to see anything when more and more bodies appear.

There are only strangers at first, unfamiliar names.

But then there is that one Hufflepuff boy, the one who sat next to him in the library and with whom he talked about Potions a few times. Then there is a Ravenclaw girl with a strong interest in spell crafting, with whom he would discuss things every now and then. Then there is that Gryffindor girl, that poor timid thing who loved solving logic puzzles and whom he didn’t dislike. She was okay. He helped her with the puzzles sometimes. And then, there is that Slytherin boy, a disgrace to his family, they say, who chose to live in a Muggle world with the girl he loved. They are both dead.

There is that uneasy feeling he sometimes gets, some twinges of something indescribable at first, which he later identifies as guilt.

“I don’t want to feel that way!” He finally snaps one evening. “It’s not my fault they are dead. I haven’t done anything!”

It’s only silence that answers him.

 

* * *

 

He can’t pretend not to see any more.

And yet he still hesitates, unsure how to proceed. There is no way out, none that would allow him to survive. With every day that passes, he feels more and more like a bird in a cage.

He sometimes thinks that Bellatrix must have noticed _something_ , because her stares turn more thoughtful… calculative whenever she sees him.

He pretends not to notice, not to care, and continues to exist, because that’s pretty much what his life has turned into – a mere existence and nothing more.

And then, the Dark Lord announces how he interprets the Prophecy.

“The Potters must die. All of them.” His eyes gleam with a scary light as he says it. He looks inhumane.

Next to him Bellatrix is cackling with glee when she hears it, but Severus barely registers it.

His heart stops.

It feels as if a cold hand closed around his heart and squeezed it. Hard. A part of him dies in that moment, when he connects the dots and realises it’s him – Severus himself – that has made it happen.

In that very moment he makes a choice. The cage opens.

Should he succeed or should he fail, it doesn’t matter.

Severus Snape can’t look away any more.


End file.
